On this the last eve of the year, I am plagued with the need to reflect on all that I have learned and experienced over the last 365 days. As so many articles and newscasts wrap up the year with their “best/worst/most…” lists, I struggle to define my most memorable moments of 2011.
Could it be that I really haven’t learned a gosh darn thing this year? That can’t be it. Could it be that my experiences were dull and lacking of excitement? Absolutely not. So what pray-tell could be my problem? I think it has something to do with the fact that I have not blogged in years.
Having been inspired by the delightful blog of Elizabeth Tannen (seriously, I think she might be telepathically tapping into my brain and using my life/thoughts/neuroses as subject matter—that or we are long-lost twins separated by two years), I resolved to blog at least once a week throughout 2012. My dear friend Rose Nylund—yes, I refer to my friends as fictional TV-show characters—a fellow Tannenite, enthusiastically encouraged this idea with an “I’d read it!” proclamation in one of our dozen daily emails.
Back to the matter at hand: how would I summarize my year? I guess the easiest way would be bullet points. Here goes:
- car accident with Rose leaving us stranded for 8-hours in a snow storm following New Year’s in Vegas
- two trips to Boston: one fun, one sad
- an increasing obsession with the Royal Family and Millionaire Matchmaker
- restored friendship with Fez, followed by an undefined, flirtatious month of ”hanging out” unceremoniously halted via text message and strained relationship ever since(more on that at a later time)
- membership to Match.com resulting in three first dates and only one potential relationship with a man I may or may not be attracted to
- Star Wars themed wedding of my friends Fred and Wilma
- birth of my second nephew
- mother-daughter Hawaiian vacation complete with matching tattoos
- fifth anniversary of my singlehood and realization that ex is now involved with someone else
- newfound hobby: ballroom dancing
- dark, lonely, emotional period
- renewed confidence and clarity
Ok, I guess that really wasn’t so difficult. Wow… what a year. I have learned that dance brings people of all walks of life together in ways that I could have never imagined, but am eternally grateful for. I have experienced the magic that comes with spending time with children and their ability to put a smile on your face when you’re not feeling particularly happy. I have felt the pain of rejection and unrequited feelings though I know that rejection is just a sign that a person is not right for you and it gives the right person the chance to find you. I have heard/read/researched countless advice on dating to conclude that no one knows a damn thing, but everyone is still hoping for that happy ending. I have discovered that I am not a fool for wanting a happy ending too.
As I sit here on my couch mentally cursing Wilma for being across the country on New Year’s Eve leaving me without a local friend in which to count on for a fun evening, I find myself feeling disappointed.
I had made contact with Kermie (the guy I’ve been on three dates with and who I’m still a little uncertain about my feelings for) and my occasional drinking buddy Hawkeye (who I have shared more than one drunken night with). Neither offered invitations or even seemed to notice that I was subtly trying to secure some plans via my charming—albeit, desperate—text messages.
Oh well. Seems like I’ll be spending another New Year’s by myself. Yes, I am aware of how pathetic I am; I’ve had 26 years to get used to the idea.
The good thing is: I have a feeling. I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a great year.
I’m not entirely sure why I feel as certain as I do. I have not had some divine revelation or experienced something significant that would lead me to feel this way. It’s just there, deep inside of me, this feeling of content. Of peace.
Disappointment be damned.