Ok, I know I talk about relationships a lot, but it’s because I am bombarded by them on a daily basis. I am the go-to-gal when it comes to doling out relationship advice with an unbiased and honest opinion. If people with relationships were Charlie Brown, I would be Lucy at her psychiatric help booth. Except I don’t charge 5¢ a session.
I happen to enjoy listening to people’s problems and helping them come up with solutions that will probably never be used because let’s face it, sometimes people just like to complain for complaining’s sake. And that’s alright with me. I am a great listener and because of my previously discussed analytical mind, I am fairly good at identifying a problem within someone else’s relationship.
When it comes to my own, I’m clueless.
Today, Popeye was grumbling about a situation with Olive that occurred last night. As he often does, he was looking for someone to take his side and declare her to be in wrong. One email turned into dozens, multiple people were involved, and many other issues were discussed. In the end, it was decided that the girls (myself and Wilma) are only looking out for our friends’ best interests and that our advice is on target most of the time.
So there you have it: women are more logical than men when it comes to relationships. At least, the two of us are.
In one of the many emails, I was called out for being “realistic” by a guy who is a self-proclaimed “feeler.” I can accept that. I am a realist when it comes to relationships; my head is much more involved than I allow my heart to be. As much as I love a romantic comedy and happy ending, it doesn’t always work out that way and I will be the first one to tell you that. There is no sense in convincing someone they’re happy when they aren’t. You have to know your audience in order to give the best advice.
For example, Popeye is a very traditional-minded husband who wants his marriage to work. For him, my advice centered on communication, compromise, and counseling in order to find a way to make the marriage successful. Other people are more the love-them-and-leave-them type. I would tell them “there are more fish in the sea.” The same advice does not work for every person and every situation, which is why a non-biased party should be involved to offer solutions. I have nothing to lose if Popeye and Olive divorce. Any breakdown of their relationship would in no way affect me, but I still wish both of them happiness whether that means they stay together or part ways.
One of the reasons I think people repeatedly pull up a chair and vent to me is that I can take in their emotional burden and shed light on larger issues. For the most part, when a person bitches about a particular situation, they are almost always truly upset about something else.
In my relationship with Ares, I would constantly get upset whenever he called me “cute.” I took it as an insult because he said I was cute and not hot and he always defined his ex as hot, a chick I was convinced he was still in love with and was just waiting for another shot with her. I believed that given the chance, I would be dropped like yesterday’s garbage and he would pick up with her again because that was the one he really wanted. Who wants the “cute” chick when you can have the “hot” one? It didn’t help that he had cheated on me early on in our relationship (with a girl I considered “hot”) and I no longer trusted him. So whenever he called me “cute,” I took it as a put-down and that, in his eyes, I wasn’t good enough.
It’s like the old iceberg poster. You know the one, where it shows that the majority of the iceberg is underneath the part you can see. Same goes for relationship issues.
In the end, I may not be able to solve the problem, but I revel in the thought that I might have made some kind of a positive impact on someone’s life.
Now, if only I could write prescriptions.