When it comes to generating ideas for posts, a lot of times I just pull something out of thin air. Usually it will be related to something that I’ve experienced in my recent days or something I’ve wondered about, but most of the time, ideas just hit me for no clear reason and I run with them.
This particular post was brought to you all by the universe. Yes, that’s right. The universe. You see, for the last week, I have been inundated with the same topic time and time again. Badgered over the head, if you will. In no less than three different ways has this issue been made the focus of my life at separate times. Clearly, I am meant to write about it. However, as I sit here, I feel like I cannot truly do the topic justice because I feel that the message is clear enough and why should I further elaborate on an already defined subject.
But I will because, let’s face it, this is what I do here.
What is this mysterious topic that I write about so enigmatically? Asking for what you want.
Simple enough, right? You see something you desire, you ask for it. A raise, a dance, a shiny new pair of shoes. Children do it all the time. “Mommy, I want ice cream!” “Daddy, I want a teddy bear!” “Auntie, pick me up!” But is it really that simple?
Cécile over at Trying to Be Conscious shared some sage advice from her grandmother about asking the universe when we want something really badly or need a question answered, be it a parking space or whether or not one should quit a job. Honestly, I had never really considered this before I read her smart post and I kick myself for blindly disregarding the simplicity of expressing your desires out loud. There is something to be said about verbalizing your needs. When you make something known in a vocal way, it’s hard to disregard it.
People can no longer pretend that they don’t have a clue as to what you want. You’ve said it. You’ve made it clear. There is no room for confusion. Unless, you ask for something that you don’t want in order to get what you do. But that is a post for a different day.
I saw Hope Springs over the weekend and there is a scene where the psychiatrist (Steve Carell) is trying to get to the root of where the marriage of Kay and Arnold (Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones’s characters) disintegrated. Through a series of questions, the doctor determines that Kay never got what she wanted and he asks her, “Did you ever ask for what you wanted?” Kay fumbles and seems surprised by the question and it is clear that no, she never asked for what she wanted.
I’m sure there are a lot of us out there who have been guilty of the exact same thing. We’ve bottled up our feelings and dropped subtle hints as to what it will take to make us happy, but we never ask. It all boils down to fear. But really, what is there to be afraid of?
Sure, rejection sucks. No one is disagreeing with this, but not asking for what you want, what you need, is so much worse. By not asking, you risk so much more than receiving a “no.” Unrequested desires are as dangerous as an untreated infection. They can fester under the surface, doing much more damage than can be seen with the naked eye. You may experience feelings of irritability, depression, and self-loathing that can have negative effects on all the relationships in your life. All because you were too afraid to ask for what you want.
We cannot allow fear to keep us from getting what we deserve. Don’t be afraid of hearing the word “no.” If anything, you should be more afraid of what holding in your desire will do to you. Imagine spending years of your life pining for someone who had an interest in you, but you were too afraid to make the move. You could have been together all that time, potentially having the time of your life and a love worth remembering.
But if you never ask, you’ll never know.