Healing After Heartbreak

First off, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who reached out after the last two posts.  It really means a lot to me to have so many caring and lovable souls not only reading the words I write, but supporting me along the way.  It was a very rough time I went through, but your encouragement and kindness helped brighten the dark cloud I was under and I wish I could give you all a hug for that.  Though I did take an absence from the blogosphere, I am doing immensely better and look forward to diving back into Defining Wonderland.  What’s that knocking on my door?  Must be acceptance.

The Wonderland Registry (Sep)

For the Spirit:

When you find yourself single, the world suddenly becomes your oyster.  Your once busy schedule of dates, weekend trips to see your significant other, and “couple time” becomes open and you can say “yes” to new and exciting plans you might have otherwise passed up.

World Is Your Oyster

In my plan to keep busy to heal my heartbreak, I accepted countless invitations.  I took a day trip to San Diego to attend the horse races at the Del Mar Race Track, saw three concerts at the county fair, and joined a Friday happy hour group at work, each opportunity a chance to reconnect with long-lost friends and meet some new ones.  Now that my vacation days no longer include seven-hour drives, I find myself being able to plan longer holidays that require passports and plane trips.  That’s right, I have not one, but two international adventures in the works, one to be taken before the year is up.  Now, it’s just a matter of waiting for my new passport to be delivered.  Not that I’ll need one for trips to Santa Cruz and Disneyland that are in my foreseeable future.

For the Body:

Most chick flicks and sitcoms will have you believe that women automatically turn to tubs of Ben & Jerry’s and raw cookie dough to numb the pain of a breakup.  That has never been the case with me and this situation was no different.  Instead of overindulging in comfort food and too many cocktails that make it all too likely that a drunken text is going to be sent, I threw myself into a new workout activity: running.

My fabulous and furry trainer, Jake.

My fabulous and furry trainer, Jake.

Four or five nights a week, I walk on over to my mom’s house, greet Jake with a couple of kisses, and then hop on the treadmill.  After over a month, I’ve already seen improvement.  For one, I cut my mile time down by two minutes since I began.  And if that weren’t enough, I’m now running a minimum of two miles each session.  For someone who always preferred aerobics classes to time on a treadmill, I consider this a huge accomplishment.  I never thought I would be able to jog for over a mile without stopping and I’m slowly working on adding more distance and cutting my time even more.  After all, I’ve got a Color Run coming up in October.

For the Soul:

I don’t know about you, but after a breakup, I go through several different emotional states.  Much like the Five Stages of Grief, I transition through each condition at my own pace and the order varies based on the particular circumstances of the relationship and how/why it ended.  Regardless of when I blame myself, get angry at my ex, or accept that we were just not meant to be, I always complete my cycle with a renewed sense of love for the one person I can never live without: me.

Fall In Love With Yourself

While some people may walk away from breakups feeling like a failure or that no one will ever love the wonderful weirdo that they are, I find a new appreciation for the person I am and what I have to give.  It’s strange that my confidence level rises exponentially when someone no longer wishes to be with me, but I find that it’s better to roll with it rather than question it.  Besides, shouldn’t we completely love and value ourselves?  I am a remarkable person and so are each of you.  Don’t wait for a breakup to look in the mirror and marvel at the unique and awesome individual you are.

And don’t ever forget it.

17 thoughts on “Healing After Heartbreak

  1. filbio says:

    Good to hear you back and coming on stronger. Sure, breakups suck, but sometimes they open up new opportunities and adventures. Take care of yourself first, grab a hold of life and run with it.

    • Jessica says:

      Thank you, Phil. Breakups do suck, but when one door closes, a window of opportunity is opened. And I for one can’t wait to see what kind of adventures are ahead of me. 🙂

  2. Beth says:

    Glad you are feeling better! I just went through something similar, but unlike you, I should have had the courage to walk away sooner, to end the relationship instead of him. I kept giving and not receiving. Being alone is far better than being with someone who isn’t invested in the relationship. You’re so right about the confidence thing…and I won’t forget 🙂

    • Jessica says:

      Oh, Beth. I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you. No matter who ended it, you are better off if you were not getting what you needed from the relationship. Believe me, it’s not a lesson I learned the easy way. I would have never had the strength or courage if I hadn’t gone through a three-year relationship where I constantly bent over backwards for my ex’s attention, time, and love. If it hadn’t been for that situation, I would have continued down a path where I felt unimportant to the point where I would have become resentful and a shell of the person I know I am. I’m glad I walked away when I did because I don’t have any hard feelings toward my ex and I can honestly say that I hope he and I can be friends again someday. No matter how much it hurt or how many tears I shed, it was the right decision for me and I’m glad I did it sooner rather than later.

      You are an amazing person and I know that you will come through the heartache stronger and ready to stand up for what you want in the future. You’ll find out what you’re made of.

  3. hunting for bliss says:

    I’m so sorry 😦 I didn’t know you were going through this. Letting go is never easy, but it seems like the best things in life happen when we are least expecting them! Also, in my semi-professional opinion, it sounds like you are coping really well!! xoxo

    • Jessica says:

      Thank you, Tobi. With the exception of a few hard days, I am coping extremely well. It’s never easy to walk away from someone that you still have such strong feelings for, but it was the right decision and if it weren’t for my past relationship experiences, I would have never been brave enough to take that leap of faith. Faith in making the right choice, faith in the unknown, and faith in finding love again. The unknown is not as scary as I once thought it was. 🙂 xoxo

    • Jessica says:

      Thanks, Caitlin. Positivity is really the only way I like to do things. It’s easy to dwell on difficult circumstances, but it’s more fulfilling to look for a silver lining and focus on all the good.

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