In the last two weeks, I have watched Frozen three times. Unfortunately, I never got around to seeing it on the big screen and my first viewing was on the plane home from Boston last week. It was adorable and I—like so many who watched it before me—fell head over heels for Disney’s latest animated romp. It was heartfelt, hilarious, and filled with great songs that have me tapping my feet and singing along when I simply think about the movie.
Everyone loves “Let It Go” and it really is a powerhouse song, but I can’t figure out why no one is talking about the poor message from one of the other songs: “Fixer Upper.”
Take a moment and watch. I’ll wait.
Not to be a controversial, pot-stirrer, but isn’t this the wrong message to send to young girls?
So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
but this we’re certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper
Up with a little bit of love!
It’s fairly common knowledge that a lot of women (though not all women), get into relationships with men wanting to change something about them. Whether it be their wardrobe or the way they chew with their mouth open, women frequently want to “fix” their mates, particularly if said mate puts a ring on it.
I have counseled many of my friends over the years and have actually taken my own advice as well: do not go into a relationship wanting to change your mate. No good can come of that.
I once dated someone who I was not attracted to. He was a great person and I liked him a lot, but there were certain things about his appearance and behavior that were not appealing to me. When I started to realize that these qualities bothered me, I knew I needed to end it because there were things that I wanted to change and I cannot be with someone who I want to change. It wasn’t fair to either of us and I find it detrimental to any relationship where one or both partners want to change their mates.
There are dozens of articles in women’s magazines that teach you how to
manipulate train encourage a guy to become the man you want him to be. I always skip over these pages with an eye roll and a sigh. Why does society keep encouraging women to change their boyfriends and husbands?
And we’ve all done it under the guise of “if he loves me, he’ll change.” Even Frozen makes it clear that love is all you need to change, though there is a little
ass-covering back-pedaling with lyrics like
We’re not sayin’ you can change him,
‘Cause people don’t really change.
We’re only saying that love’s a force
That’s powerful and strange.
I’m on to you, Disney.
The point that I’m trying to make, dear Wonderlings is this: accept a person as is or move on. You shouldn’t be with someone who wants to change you and you certainly shouldn’t be with someone who you are not completely happy with. If you want to change your partner, I can guarantee you’re not completely happy.
I’m not willing to write off Frozen for this slight oversight with “Fixer Upper” (and quite frankly, I do like that catchy tune), but I think it should be addressed. Young girls should not grow up thinking that love will change someone. It’s false hope and can lead to some drastic disillusions of successful relationships, only enhanced further by the magazines that reinforce these ideas such young ladies are bound to read through their teen years and early womanhood.
Let’s work on fixing the idea of fixing a person before we fix a person.